CFTS(1) USER COMMANDS CFTS(1) PENIX OPERATING SYSTEM DOCUMENTATION PENIX NAME cfts - emergency stop all processes SYNOPSIS cfts [ - ] cklnsvy [ dummy ] [ secs ] [ reason ] DESCRIPTION cfts brings the system to a complete halt within four seconds of the command being issued at the rooted(c) console, or by any serial terminal logged in under the `games' account. Any background tasks, daemons, aengels, spraites, nyemphs and maenads are terminated brutally and with no regard to whether they were just about to close the file that they had been writing to. Any accounts logged in when this command is issued will be in a dubious state when the system is reshoed, and unless the rooted(c) filesystem has either an even number of bytes free or a number that is divisible by the sum of the digits in the date and time when the command is issued, the filesystem will be completely munged and the drive controllers will be issued with a command that invariably drives the heads into the platters with a sound like Freddy Krueger scratching a blackboard. This command requires rooted(c) access, or the knowledge that you can break out of the `games' account's menu by typing control-p three times rapidly. The command can then be issued from the `games' account's YEAH_SO_WHAT_NOW_SMARTARSE prompt. FUNCTION LETTERS s The argument after the next argument specifies the number of seconds until the event is to take place. This allows the support staff to get clear of the system, bolt the door and take the phone off the hook. The argument directly after this is a dummy argument, usually `-1'; if it is greater than 3, a message will be sent to all users, either wishing them a happy birthday or asking them if they have any albums by Gary Clail, depending on whether the argument is odd or even. Any responses to the latter will be appended to the file Gary_Clail_Responses in uselss/der/ttbowl. k klunk option. This crashes the session and does not actually issue the cfts system call, so that you can impress the girls with your bravery by daring to issue this command safely with no more damage than locking up the system console, requiring a system reshoe. c This prevents the appearance of the `Are you really sure that you want to do this? prompt. y This prevents the appearance of the `Are you really, really sure that you want to do this? prompt. l This prevents the appearance of the `Look, I'm not convinced that you should be playing with this command, you know.' prompt. n Notify. This requires the inclusion of a 63-character alphanumeric string which will be displayed on every serial terminal with a currently active session and will be printed continuously on all system printers until the filesystem dies (usually about thirty seconds after the command is issued, depending on processor speed). It must be used in conjunction with the s option, and therefore must be preceeded by the `seconds' and `dummy' arguments, otherwise we'd have to modify the code to check how many arguments you issued with the command, and whenever we tried to incorporate that feature in the code, it wouldn't compile properly. v Verbose mode. If this option is absent, you will see no response to the com mand after the rooted(c) `%-) ' command line prompt returns, until the command actually takes effect. If present, you will see a whole stream of clever messages on the rooted(c) console to the effect of `Ooh Aah, you've done it now' and `Guess who's going to be looking for a job next Monday, eh? :->'. Hoever, inclusion of this option does ensure that the command log file kept in ho_hum/what_the_hell_happened is trashed before anything else, ensuring that no-one will ever know that it was you who did it, unless you are silly enough to get drunk at an office party and brag about it. EXAMPLES to Completely F**k The System: %-) cfts vns 4 5 that's what you get for not giving me~ that payrise! this will activate the verbose option, will notify the users that the system will be unavailable in five seconds (with the indicated message), and will ask them if they have any Gary Clail albums. FILES /uselss/der/ttbowl/GaryClailResponses Usually empty, as not many people can think that fast. /ho_hum/what_the_hell_happened System command log. Contains every single embarrassing thing you ever typed on the system console, from your stupid attempts to break out of the `Cosmic Ballcrushers' game you inadvertently started, to the archives you made of those stories from alt.sex.bestiality that you got when the manager wasn't looking. /important/really_important this file doesn't have any function, but no other penix command mentions it, and as it takes up almost four megabytes, we thought that we should mention it at least once. SEE ALSO crp(1), bollx(1), stuffio(2), banan(5), drump(8), clrump(8), flrump(3), doobrie(9), ftang(65534), pong(2), brap(12), what_the_hell_was_that_all_about(0) BUGS Sometimes, the klunk option doesn't work. If the command is issued on a Tuesday or a Thursday, there is a twenty-one percent probability that the verbose option's trashing of the /ho_hum/what_the_hell_happened system log will be incomplete, leaving the last three lines intact. The n option can be slow. There is no way selectively to follow symbolic links. Then again, there never is, really, so I don't know why we bother mentioning it. If you enter more than sixty-three characters for the notify message, your console screen will explode and pepper your face with nasty little glass splinters.
Sunburne Computer, Inc. 9 October 1991